This is in no way an admission of real or fictional events….
Have you ever planned a vacation?
Not your average vacation, but the kind where you are strapped on cash, and trying to please everyone? Wanting to go above and beyond so the ones important to you feel special and included? well don’t…
I did that once…(more like last) for my mother (I still love ya mom) and hubby. I’m sure you know where this is going! Something out of a Die Hard Movie with Bruce sarcastically referring to Yeah, a nice quiet vacation, take a trip, relax; or something along those lines.
Anyway, tip one…..book separate rooms! Under no circumstances think why not, it’s a short trip, we are all family, no big deal; mi casa…your casa (it’s a European thing) and besides we’ll be too busy with all the fun activities I have planned! (Refer to: SHIT what was I thinking??)
So we drive up to the first hotel of our stay. I think, yeah it looks sweet! Near the water, good reviews….open the car door, valets, etc., jumping like we are on some triple platinum VIP list. I’m all smiles, so is mom, hubby. The main lobby is pristine and the bell hop is right on cue, prepped to take our bags up to our (as in ONE) room.
The MINUTE we hit the elevator, I look down at the carpet, seeeeee all the smudge marks of the people who have stood on this very spot and dread starts to rear it’s ugly head….
SMILE….Just keep smiling, this is no indicator to what is to come! (repeat more than once).
Elevator door opens, we head to “our” room and I slip in first (duh) and peep instantly into the bathroom….Why? Beats me, all I am thinking is PLEASE be clean!
(sighs) Yeah right, it’s clean so to speak, isn’t that the real definition of shabby sleek or whatever the hell they call it… At the same time, I’m reaching towards the wall to push back the shower head flange hanging at least two inches away from where it should be…
Do the 1,2,3 check of amenities (not the greatest, but acceptable), and on to the rest of the room I go, Mind you, this is happening at the “speed of light” so my head is spinning in all directions of the room like the girl from the Exorcist movie on crack (seriously)!
Upgraded to an Ocean (can we say roof top) view…and it is times like these I remember why I hate hotels without balconies; because I am sooo having a nix-fit.
Buttttttt to my surprise, I see my mother looking around pleased!! (what the hell?) Hubbies got the “you got to be kidding” look on his face; and I’m in the middle yet again; with no boxing ring in sight, or a whistle jammed down my throat. (Sorry hun this round has to go to mom)
Then…..as I am starting to have a tiniest shred of hope to salvage our first night of “vacation”; I glance into the closet…..SHIT, ONLY TWO ROBES??? You think she will notice???? No such luck kitty, you’ve just ran out of litter…. To be continued?